Having no creative ideas of my own, I’ve decided to steal 81 ideas and express them in my own crazy way. The first of this magnificent list is ‘Self Improvement’, which of course I have no idea about. I doubt that people would even come here to try and improve their confidence or whatever and haven’t the foggiest how to do it. I’m struggling to even share this with the internet, even though I’m not expecting anything to come out of it. I suppose once it’s out there and I’ve prehaps got at least one regular viewer, I’ll improve ‘within myself’. For me, just the thought of people reading this and seeing how weird I must sound makes me cringe. The amount of times I’ve uploaded a blog and decided it’s stupid and no one would want to read such dribble, or the vlogs I’ve recorded before realising how much I hate my voice. But I’m determined as ever to stick at this, whether it receives any notice, because it’s new year and all, dur. I think something that I fear even more, is my friends, or people who know me personally seeing this, because I can’t expect it to be taken very well. I’m posh and soppy over the internet (unless it’s twitter where I’m my usual loud and swearing self). I’m trying hard to make myself do this, doing the typical thing of trying to stop caring about what other people think, but I don’t think people realise how hard that actually is. The thing is, I judge other people and bitch about them, I know that other people do that and it’s hard to accept for a teenage girl that it really doesn’t matter. So I suppose that is something that could help to improve some people’s self esteem and confidence etc. realising that it really does not matter. You’re going to be accusing me of being hypocritical, I know, but I guess it’s easier for some people to not care. Although I judge others, because of what they wear or how they act, I still have a little respect for the fact they do or wear it. Because at the end of the day, why shouldn’t they?
Sometimes, I do think that looking good can really help to improve your confidence. I know it’s cheesy and all, but looking good can really make you feel good! Your more likely to receive attention and be appreciated and not necessarily because of how you look, but because of how you portray yourself, because of your confidence. You may even feel more comfortable talking to people, if you feel good. You may even receive the odd compliment and we all know how good that makes you feel!
Even though I’m saying this while writing my very first entry and I’m not really sure what response it will get, I know that just typing all this out is defiantly helping. It’s all about getting the feelings you wouldn’t tell other people (at least not face to face) whether it is going to published for everyone to see, or if it’s only in a diary, which will be kept a secret forever. I know that in my diary, I’m completely different to this, swearing, ranting, being generally weird and probably quite scary; it just means I don’t feel like it’s all just kept inside, however cheesy that sounds. I’d like to think that people share these views and everything, but at the same time I really couldn’t care less. My opinions out there, which is something I’m proud to have done, whether I’m seen as sad or whatever. If people decide to hate me for doing something I’m enjoying, then go for it! I’ve never actually been bullied, even though I have been teased etc. which I feel very lucky for. I defiantly think that writing in a diary, or expressing your feelings in some way or another can help with your confidence etc. For example, just by writing about facing any hate I might get from writing a blog, makes me at least think I could actually do it. But I guess it’s harder for some people who don’t know how to face the idiots of today.
Well I’m not an expert of ‘self improvement’ as you’ve probably realised, but the points made are all from personal experience and so on. But I’m still the weedy sad girl who doesn’t talk to strangers, but y’know.